Bloody hell it’s cold. So cold in fact I’m slightly reluctant to relieve myself just in case it snaps off…

And as Boris Johnson (erstwhile Mayorial Twat of London) said on the News just last night: “Definitely the right sort of snow. It’s just that it’s in the wrong quantities”. Yeah right – nice one Boris…The Country, as ever, comes to a grinding gritted halt.

So anyway – in order to warm myself up – guess what I did?

I only went and ordered myself a mail-order bride didn’t I?

Yeah, get me!

I answered the following advert:

“Suki: Small, cute, into water sports & group activities…”

She was delivered this morning as it goes – and I now the proud owner of a flippin’ PENGUIN for crying out loud: Small, cute & definitely into water sports. Big flippers, keeps asking for fish…

She does look quite cute at the moment – but not in that way stupid – what with the snowy backdrop and all.

But fark knows what I’ll do with her once it’s thawed. What do you do with a second hand penguin?

I suppose there’s always Bristol Zoo Penguin Enclosure. (Quite a big clue in that really, when you think…)

We struggle on: “Stan T and the Penguin”. Hey ho…

P.S New video uploaded to YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/user/stantrolley